Dear 30-year-old Kenji,
Thank you for your love. Upon reading your letter, I really feel like holding you tightly in my consoling arms, my eyes brimming with tears. What will happen may be a shattering blow, whereas I’m also overwhelmed by the glowing hope in the letter. Don’t worry, Kenji! You know who I am! I don't give up easily, do I?
Recently, a feeling of unease about my future has been nagging at me. After graduation, I will be no longer a student. I will work full time, take on more responsibilities and undergo lots of changes. Closing my eyes, I try to imagine my future. Will I become a good teacher? Will I find the love of my life? Will I move out? Will I live alone? Will I feel lonely? Will I get sick easily? How will I look? Will I go bald? Will I be happy? Who will I be?
Kenji? What a special name! I always want to have a cool name like this. Why do you have a new name? Will I become someone special? As you know, I am just an ordinary and boring pedant who never plays sports and goes clubbing. Doing revision is my only “hobby” and becoming a teacher is my only dream, which I begin to be sick of recently. At the age of 30, you must be more sophisticated and I hope you have already found the key to living life to the full. Hopefully you have, since I can no longer put up with the soul destroying routine anymore. I have determined to enrich my life and make it more meaningful.
Despite my trepidation over the intimidating future, I promise I will opt to face the difficulties with smiles. You know what? While writing this letter in a piercing medley of the hums of air-conditioners and the chirps of crickets, a half-moon, dusty gold, is hanging in the purple sky. In the stifling heat, the smell of my sweat is creeping into my nose and a mouthful of ice-cream is melting on my tongue. My fists clenched, I am gazing into the Hong Kong Island’s gold phosphorescence, in the midst of the far-reaching darkness, with in my eyes a spark of hope.
Love,
Kenneth, at the age of 22
Movies Movies Movies:
訪客 The Visitor 4.5 / 5
打擂台 Gallants 4.5 / 5
基志雙雄 I Love You Phillip Morris 4 / 5
一席之地A Place of One's Own 4 / 5
色慾都市 2 Sex and the City 2 3.5 / 5
血聘 The Exam 3.5 / 5
冰火時光機之回到80後 Hot Tub Time Machine 3.5 / 5
驚動了愛情 Remember Me 3 / 5
Chinese fortune tellers say that a man changes his fate once a decade. I know a French writer who was an agricultural engineer for 10 years, then decided to and actually became a writer and novelist for about 10 years, then became a film director. I do not know what happened to him after that. He says that a man ought to have a radical change in his life once a decade. 10 years is a long time. We establish a lot of routines in 10 years. Routines can be deadening because there is endless repetition. But to me, there is no need for us to make any "dramatic" gestures. After all, everything is in the mind. If we know how our mind works, then we know how we can make ourselves happy or at least less unhappy. To me, the trick is to observe things around one. If you bother to look, you can always find something of interest to occupy you, to fire your imagination After all, this world is not small. Do not focus your attention so much on those things which repeat themselves. Concentrate rather on those which do not. You'll be surprised how much you'll find. To me, I wish I had 10 lives to explore things which interest me. I don't know if this works for you. It has certainly worked for me. Many would say that I am no longer young. Yet the world still looks as fresh and interesting as if I was just born yesterday.
回覆刪除[版主回覆06/17/2010 21:38:00]How philosophical and interesting! In these ten years, I have undergone some changes and I think they have broadened my horizons. Indeed, I am also learning much from my present situation. Right, changes are not necessarily negative. Perhaps they have pros and cons. It is like throwing a stone into a lake. Instead treating it as a blow, we can also pay attention to the energy emitted. It causes the ripples to spread. As for the routine thing, I am a kind of person who does not love too many changes. However, in these ten years, I have developed my interests in badminton, movies and travelling... anyway, can you share with us some examples of concentrating on things which do not repeat themselves? Do you mean exploring new hobbies? Thanks a lot.
加油呀!~
回覆刪除[版主回覆06/17/2010 21:44:00]Thanks a lot. I will stay positive. Smile!
嘩~藍色大門....好懷念~
回覆刪除淡淡的青春淡淡的藍，像是微風輕撫心房......
過去的自己永遠不復見，但回想現在的自己也就是因為過去的自己而成，一切又好像會釋懷了一點點 ^^
[版主回覆06/18/2010 23:52:00]藍色大門 - I saw it when I was 22, probably right after my graduation and
before working full time. A very important film in my life.
過去的自己永遠不復見 - Right... it is really hard to remember what were in my
mind many years ago. Luckily, I did a piece of psychology homework on
predicting my future. I read it and was amazed by how naive and ordinary
I once was. Writing these two letters is really an interesting
experience.
While writing this letter in a piercing medley of the hums of air-conditioners and the chirps of crickets, a half-moon, dusty gold, is hanging in the purple sky.
回覆刪除文字寫得我好靚呀...
你話你係一個唔鍾意多變的人... 我祇係知道當生命中每每過得很安定時, 生活就會在你不知不覺中靜靜地起了變化... 你認為不可能的, 他卻在那一刻讓你墜入沉鬱的思緒中...
其實這一刻你無力去思想, 何不叫自己暫時停下來不去想?
我唔知你對自己的要求有幾高?
我相信自己的經歷也不少... 以前都以為自己活在幸福平安當中... 誰不知當一些事情發生時, 你會明白有些事情唔係你想就會有你想要的結果...!
但我希望你知道有些事情唔係你想就一定得... 有時係要順應環境...
我唔知你點諗... 但係希望你可以想開一點... !!!!
[版主回覆06/19/2010 00:23:00]Thanks! I will take the initiative in solving the problems. When I try my best, I will have no regret, no matter what the result will be. Of course, I will smile, come what may!!!
我係話文未寫得好靚, 唔係寫得我好靚, 哈哈...
回覆刪除[版主回覆06/18/2010 23:58:00](Empty)
係文字... 死啦我真係老眼昏化,又打錯字...
回覆刪除[版主回覆06/18/2010 23:58:00]You never give up easily! I should learn from you.
很特別的一封信，向自己真情表白。我以前都曾好像你一樣寫信比自己，但年紀大了反而沒寫了﹗似乎你的信正在喚醒我﹗人生必需經過磨練才顯得更有價值，我相信你無論面對什麼問題，你都會用堅毅不掘的精神去面對，加油啊﹗支持及鼓勵您。
回覆刪除[版主回覆06/19/2010 00:29:00]Wanna burst into tears and shout! Lots of pent up emotions inside... they need to be released. Writing to myself is really a very good idea. Anyway, thanks for your encouragement. Because of the downs, we understand what ups are. That's life! I will try to pay attention to the beautiful things in my life. Although I cant change the weather, I can change the mood.
You remind me of this song:
回覆刪除btw, I thought of watching The Exam this morning, but if your score is just average, then better forget about it.
[版主回覆06/18/2010 23:24:00]我不放棄愛的勇氣 我不懷疑會有真心 不管怎樣 怎樣都會受傷 傷了又怎樣
至少我很堅強 我很坦蕩 我要握住一個最美的夢 給未來的自己 3.5 is slightly above average. OK to me, but it can be better. The film is neither bloody nor disgusting! The beginning of this low budget movie is quite
engaging and the idea is interesting, but the acting is just mediocre and all of
them stay in the same room for the whole film. It also becomes very talky in the
middle and so it becomes less engaging. The ending with a twist is OK, but there is not much for me to reflect on. Cube and Saw are better.
Care not so much about the end, the process is more interesting and challenging. The end may not be what you have expected because reality is often not as romantic as you might think.
回覆刪除I like changes too, not just change for change’s sake, but for the new experience, the challenge and the joy that the change brings. Whenever I take up a new hobby, I often meet with derisions such as “old dogs cannot learn new tricks” or “armed to the teeth with swords but none is sharp”, etc. But I just brush these ridicules aside as trivialities. We live only once, and there are so many wonderful things waiting to be explored. How I wish I had 48 hours a day.
[版主回覆06/19/2010 12:50:00]Whether I personally like the change depends on what it is. A new hobby... perhaps it is great! A new duty assigned to me at my working place... it really depends on a lot of factors, e.g. whether I am able to do it and who I work with. After all, it is a compulsory thing, not a hobby that I can choose to quit. It is always tiring and frustrating to work with someone who is bad tempered and rude.
love yourself, have faith！
回覆刪除love blue gate crossing too!!!!!!!!
[版主回覆06/19/2010 12:51:00]YES I am learning to love myself.
哈哈... 我真係好鬼長氣0架; 我係唔容易放棄, 不過我好難去開始做一件事, 往往都要想很久才決定去做, 很多時機會時間都溜走了, 咁你話係好定唔好呢?
回覆刪除[版主回覆06/19/2010 12:55:00]I am also learning to be more decisive. Still, it is sometimes necessary to consider different factors before you start doing sth. After all, I am not a risky person.
最近 我都成日同人講年青真好, 可以放縱一點, 年紀漸長, 卻要為很多人和事有所承擔... 以致想飛都唔可以... 哎, 人生就是充滿著讓你哭笑不得的局面, 但我卻樂在其中, 享受這種兩難的局面, 因為我視為training ... 那我的人生會過得寫意自在, 對嗎?
回覆刪除[版主回覆06/19/2010 13:04:00]I believe I somehow wasted my youth spending too much time on my academic studies... perhaps not... If I had not done so much revision, I might have become another person. When I was young, I still focus on one thing and so I was an ordinary student. After graduation, I developed my interests in different fields and I began to find myself special. When people mention Kenji, they think of movies, badminton and travelling. Now, I hope that I can treat my work as a hobby. How can I make my lessons more interesting and effective and cooperate with my colleagues will be huge challenges ahead of me.
讀書係無得迫, 任憑你如何用心, 而對方沒有心去讀好, 作為老師也是徒然的... ! 又可能她們的家庭關係配合唔到妳0既要求呢? 有D家長係自由派, 有D家長係死硬派, 總之你唔好太執著咪得囉... ! 做人有時要順應環境!
回覆刪除好似我NIECE咁, 佢唔讀書, 成日0係學校話肚痛, 攪到我SISTER要去學校接走佢, 原來佢個女係想唔讀書, 所以就做一D小動作和反叛的行為去煩我SISTER... 最後又學人玩離家出走, SISTER咪簽字同意佢唔讀書囉... NIECE以前間學校都係有名0架... 咁你話係先生問題呢? 家長問題? OR學校有問題, 完全都唔係, 係個女都有問題... 呢D咪就係我講: 唔係你想人家就要受... ! 現代的新一輩你要先投其所好, 然後先可以慢慢同佢0地溝通... 但係又要保持老師的身份, 真係幾難做0架...
我常認為我們將自己的定位SET得太高, 有時唔知道 別人未必認同或接受到我們的做法或想法.. 最後失望的卻是自己... !
我都係無冒險精神, 當我想將我0既小宇宙發揮時, 卻因為責任而受到牽制... 哎, 而家再捱多兩三年, 我就會去發揮那有限的冒險精神.. :)
唔好諗咁多, 先將自己RELAX先... 當有力再去想的時候先再諗啦... 加油呀
[版主回覆06/20/2010 00:35:00]Thanks for your sharing. Indeed, the major problem at my school is the colleagues, not the students.
Kenji﹕人生總會有高高低低、上上落落，哭過痛過後，就得振作起來﹗支持您，用心生活，用心愛自己。雨過定會天晴，彩虹會綻放出來。
回覆刪除[版主回覆06/20/2010 00:37:00]I LOVE LIFE!
我唔敢講你唔得, 又或者我唔清楚你的問題起因...
回覆刪除不過, 我在同自己講: 你咁樣做真係得???
畢竟我相信我的工作年資比你多, 有些問題會睇得清楚d...
點都好, 希望你的問題真係可以解決!
我發覺我專注力不集中, 聽講係一種病(好似森美都有呢個毛病...); 就係咁我先自己點解讀書讀極都上唔到大學...
睇而家成日睇錯0野, 又成日打錯字...
最後, 長氣都係咁話, 你真係唔好諗得太多, 否則會令自己精神壓力好大, 咁個人就唔會開心... !
will pray for you :)
[版主回覆06/20/2010 01:03:00]Thanks a lot. Time to sleep. Time to stop thinking too much.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxIN79n4jVo
回覆刪除When you believe...
Goodnight...
[版主回覆06/20/2010 11:42:00]Thanks! This is the first step. The second one is to take action.
(Empty)
回覆刪除[版主回覆06/21/2010 22:30:00]A beautiful song! Still, it reminds me that I am not alone. I am not.
After reading your comment, I’m happy to know that the major problems you tackle are from colleagues, not the students XD. That reflects we, as the students are not so troublesome at all ^^ (sorry to feel like that)
回覆刪除Summer holiday is coming, a feeling of release for both teachers and students. Enjoy it and so do I.
We look forward to seeing the pictures you take in Switzerland (the place I haven’t ever been … ^^)
[版主回覆06/22/2010 22:59:00]Some students do not behave very well, but it is our duty to teach them. How about teachers who never meet deadlines and always lose temper to others? Sigh... Anyway, I will surely share the pics with you all in August.
This letter made me recall many memories!
回覆刪除I like Blue Gate Crossing, Gallants and I Love You Phillip Morris too!
[版主回覆06/22/2010 23:04:00]It is interesting to ask youself who you are. This time I try to ask myself who I used to be. Then I discover that the changes are really unpredictable. Life is full of surprises.
我睇左「exam」真係有d失望......
回覆刪除浪費了一個好0既idea~~
[版主回覆06/23/2010 20:35:00]Yes! The film is just OK to me... the acting cannot engage me and it is too talky.
I am not much good at advice. But I'll give it a shot. You ask what you could do. Lots. 1. if you like badminton: read up, watch more video, TV on how others play, see what kind of new bats, strings etc, new strategies for playing, how to improve your level of play. 2. if you like movies, see new types of movie, read up, write more, learn film technology, write a film script, produce a short film, get in touch with those who share your enthusiasm. 3. learn music, a new instrument, or just listening, jazz, world music, buy some new CDs, DVDs or listen on the internet, attend concerts 4. learn painting, calligraphy, sculpture, pottery etc 5. learn dancing 6. If you want to observe, pick up a camera and film things around you with unusual angles, close ups. fuzzy focus , different convex lenses etc 7. Attend talks on various subject which interest you. 8. Read new types of books etc 9. Make new friends in different circles, younger, older, people with different interests, hobbies...... A million and one things you can do to introduce new focus of interest into your life. But first of all, you must change that own view of yourself as a person who does not like change: never undersestimate what you can or cannot do before it is done. It often happens that we discover new aspects of ourselves which we don't know is there until you actually start doing something new!
回覆刪除[版主回覆06/24/2010 21:05:00]Thanks so much. Indeed, I have developed some interests you have mentioned, but at this moment, I need to focus myself on my teaching and atrocious administrative work. Anyway, I also agree that I should not underestimate what I can do. Right, it is time to explore the potential inside me. Thanks!
你搞到又諗起長大後會點樣.................
回覆刪除真係唔想長大呀，無憂無慮地做個細佬仔咪好囉！
[版主回覆06/26/2010 14:40:00]The letter was written from a 22-year-old guy's perspective. Changes seemed inevitable. Kenneth was worried about his future, and so was some of the teenagers who do not know who they would become. Now, I am an adult and I am glad that I am still who I am. Being a kid forever is easier said than done. The old me has gone and there is no turning back.
... keep sharing with us, please.... ....Have a nice and relax day!
回覆刪除......................................................
[版主回覆06/27/2010 11:06:00]Thank you Kelly for your visit. Your blog is great. Let's share more in the future.
SEX AND THE CITY 我都睇左喇,可以話係由頭先到落尾,個保母先係最好笑囉HAHA 人大左就會對自己既將來感到擔心,加油 自己開心就可以了
回覆刪除[版主回覆06/30/2010 12:59:00]It is a relaxing movie. I love the whole series indeed... Right! I am trying my very best to feel happy. Don't worry. I will be OK.
I like Remember me more than Hot Tub Time Machine !
回覆刪除[版主回覆06/30/2010 12:57:00]Both are not my cup of tea. ^^
Hello~~~
回覆刪除期待你的更新～
[版主回覆06/30/2010 12:57:00]The next one will probably be released at the beginning of July. Thanks for your support.
Very happy to share the letter from 22 years old kenneth. don't know i am lucky or not, i didn't have any worry when i was 22, even in 32.
回覆刪除[版主回覆06/30/2010 13:11:00]No worries? Lucky you? I was nobody when I was very young. ^^
hi kenji, long time no see....how r u?
回覆刪除[版主回覆07/04/2010 14:26:00]Very busy working working and working in the new school. Just don't have much free time to do what I love. Anyway, I will try my best to feel happy. How about you? Still working there?
Was this post inspired by a book by a similiar name? So I guess you really did become a good teacher! Bravo!!
回覆刪除[版主回覆07/19/2010 21:55:00]Thanks so much for your visit. I have not heard of a book with a similar title. I wrote this just to express my pent up frustration, as a middle-aged man. I don't know if I am a good teacher, but I have tried my very best and will work even harder. I just hope that I will survive the suffocating working environment.
Good grief, Kenji! I wish I had your imagination when I was 30, i.e., writing to myself as a 22-year-old....
回覆刪除[版主回覆08/12/2010 12:35:00]HAHAHA... Thanks to Yahoo Blog, I can share this silly letter with others.